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20 Jun

So…I broke up with the “Don’t Know What to Do” guy. Instead of calling him The Last Guy, I think I’m going to have to rename him Failure To Launch. That’s a whole other story for another day.

Another guy has asked me out recently and his name is “John.”

I have had all the bad luck I can possibly have with “John’s,” so I’m wondering if I should even attempt to go.

(Look for The Crapper and The Chemist stories soon!) Those idiot douchebags are “John’s,” too.


I’ll probably say “yes,” to this guy and only due to the fact that his baby blues are mesmerizing. He did say that I wouldn’t regret our date. Damnit!

I’ll let you know about it, soon.


The Storm Trooper

5 Jun

The name speaks for itself. 61808

Yes, my date showed up in costume. Yeah. The. Big. White. Hard-cased. Suit. With helmet in hand (thank God).

Alan and I met online (I’ve really got to stop torturing myself and just find a man at the gas station or something), and immediately clicked. I was 30, he was 29 and in school at The University of Houston, getting his PhD in Political Science. A smartie!

[At this point in time, upon reading his profile, I didn’t get a vibe that he liked to dress in costume for first dates.]

Anyways, we had a lot in common and would talk on the phone for hours. We both liked the Houston Museum District/Hermann Park area, so we set up a date for an early dinner at a nearby Taco Shop and planned to head to Miller Outdoor Theatre for a concert afterwards.

Let me give you the stats for Alan. He is a 6’5″ male with broad shoulders…complete with a brillo pad of curly, brown hair and a large nose.

So, yeah. He showed up in costume and I didn’t run out the door. And no, I’m not on drugs. I hardly ever leave dates, no matter how bad they are. It’s the nice person in me. Unfortunately.

Anyways…after I got over my shock of him being dressed up and me being slightly embarrassed, we ordered dinner. I ordered a couple of tacos and a drink, and he ordered a burrito.

I think he knew that I wasn’t the woman for him and I definitely knew that he wasn’t the man for me, so we just made small talk. There weren’t any crazy awkward pauses which was good, and, I learned a new thing or two.

One Thing: Towel Day. Read about it here. There are no other words for it. But, he celebrates it and even dresses up for it. Yes, he wears a towel.

Two Thing: His perfect dream girl carries a sword and wears a short skirt and screams out “I’m (something that starts with the letter) Z!”

I guess the date wouldn’t have been so bad (completely), if he hadn’t started rolling up balls of foil (from his burrito) and throwing aiming for my cleavage V-neck shirt opening.

Yeah. That happened.

So, yeah…that’s the Storm Trooper. He was the first date I had in Houston when I moved down here.

Fun times. Fun times, indeed.

Like A Boss

2 Jun

Ever heard the skit/song from The Lonely Island, “Like a Boss?”

No? Then listen to it here.

The reason why you should listen to the video before reading this blog, is because, well…I dated ‘that’ guy. The guy who constantly tells you he’s a boss.

This particular date was back when I lived in Dallas. I had met this guy online and under his profession, when most people tell you what their title is, he had just put “management.”

I could have cared less whether he was at the bottom of the totem pole or really, in management. We had a lot in common and we liked the same activities. He seemed like he would be fun to hang out with.

When we first started talking on the phone, I once asked him what he did and he totally replied with, “I’m a boss.” That. Was. The. Statement. Out. Of. His. Mouth. Every. Conversation. Every. Word.

Yet I still decided to go out with him. What the fuck was I thinking? Totally my fucking bad…

Anyhoo…we decided on a few bowling matches at Main Event one night and when we actually sat down to talk (after I of course, beat him [COLLEGE BOWLING LEAGUE, WHAT, WHAT]), I finally figured out what “boss” meant.

Me: “So, what company do you work for?”
Him: “I work at Tom Thumb/Randall’s. I’m a boss.”
Me: “Cool! What area?”
Him: “Well I work at the district main office location in Dallas.”
Me: “I didn’t know Tom Thumb had a main office in Dallas. Interesting.”
Him: “Well, I actually work at the grocery store, but Dallas’ top store.”
Me: “Cool. Well, what department are you in?”
Him: “I’m in the deli area. And, I’m a supervisor.”
Me: “How long have you been there?”
Him: “I’ve been a boss for three years.”
Me: “Did you start there after college?”
Him: “I’m technically still in school. I’m actually in training for the lead supervisory position. I’ve been working there for three years.”
Me: [slightly confused that his answers have changed] “Oh. Well, what do you do day to day?”
Him: “I slice the meat, make sure customers are happy, figure out what deals to honor, I only supervise one person in the department now, but if I finish school and this training program, I’ll get to be the boss for this store, in this department.”

1) Never go bowling on a date. Unless you’re with other people. It was hard to talk in between games.
2) If you work, be proud that you have a job. I, at the time of the date, was unemployed. Oh, the joys of freelancing after being laid off. Again, if you work, be proud that you have a job. If you are a boss, great! If you slice deli meat, then fucking own up to it. Don’t lie and say that you’re in management when you slice ham for a living. I had a bunch of crap jobs to get where I am today. We all do. Own up to it!
3) I don’t want it to seem like I was badgering him the entire time, asking him about what he did; we also talked about me and what I did/used to do/what I was looking for. If he really worked at a corporate location, I wanted to know about opportunities, too.

The reason it didn’t work out? A woman’s intuition is serious. I have become FUCKING AWESOME at being able to tell when someone is lying to me. And once you do…like a sneaky friend…I will continue to be your friend (at a distance), let you talk, let you lie, whatever…but I will ultimately lose respect for you deep down and I won’t trust you. I won’t trust a word out of your mouth.

I would have respected him more, if he had just owned up to his job. If you’re embarrassed by what you do, change it. If you don’t like what you’re doing. Change it. Change jobs. I disliked the fact that he was willing to let some 10-letter word (management) change his story.

Liars suck!

Comfort Zone? What’s That?

18 Apr

Whoa! It’s been awhile since I last wrote. There are no awesome excuses as to why I haven’t written. I just didn’t want to. Plain and simple. I took a break from dating, so I took a break from my blog.

But, I’m back. And, with news.

No, I’m not getting married.

Actually, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone today and going on a date with a guy I’ve been talking to online for about a week.

Just a couple of months ago, I revisited OKCupid after deleting my profile some 9 months ago. I got back on because I was bored. I immediately went on some crazy dates (of course), but also met a really kick ass guy–with whom I’ve become really good friends with and now, Andrew.

Why is this out of my comfort zone, you ask? Well, because he’s 5’9″ and I don’t usually date guys shorter than 5’11”.

I’m a little freaked out by it…but even if we didn’t hit it off romantically, he might have tall friends and he’s got a fuckin’ awesome personality. And, that would be awful if we didn’t at least explore the idea of friendship.

So, I will let you all know how it goes.

Wish me luck!

P.S. Stacy…this is for you.

“You Smell Yummy”

21 Sep

I had to post this.

I just couldn’t help myself.

First of all…can I just say, “W-T-F?”

I just read the weirdest online article from The Houston Chronicle’s Lifestyle [29-95] section.

The title, “Sniff out your soul mate at a Pheromones Party Oct. 5,” couldn’t have been said any better.

Dating is hard either way you look at it. There’s blind dating, online dating, meeting people by chance, working with someone, meeting said someone at a networking event, etc.

Apparently, now you can “sniff” people out.

Houston Social Source (HSS), where Houstonians connect with ‘amazing singles in Houston,’ states that they help cut out the matchmaking middleman.

On Friday, October 5th, Houstonians from all over, will meet at Nouveau Antique Art Bar, and not only cut out the matchmaking middleman, they will be able to ‘sniff out’ their possible new mates at a first-ever Pheromone Party in Houston.

So what’s a pheromone party? Apparently it’s trending in the NYC, and Los Angeles.

The parties require homework though. Participants have to sleep in the same t-shirt for three nights and store them in plastic bags in the freezer. These tees are then brought to the party (in the bag), where members of the opposite sex get to scratch and sniff and find love.

So now we’ve become [dog] hounds now.

I think the HSS owner is on crack…but I guess I can’t knock it until I’ve tried it.

I hate to break it to my readers…but this is one dating experience that I’m NOT trying. For those that are interested, you can find details here.

Tell me, LikeOmigod Readers…would YOU go to these lengths to meet someone?

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