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Best. Break-up Letter. Ever.

6 Jun

Creative Break-up LetterI recently saw an article in Yahoo! Shine and had to repost it and ask the question:

“What is the worst break-up letter you’ve ever received and/or sent?”

This particular letter is from a woman who writes to her boyfriend and tells him how to find his personal belongings after finding a message from another girl, on his Facebook page.

Whoops!

Personally, I’ve sent letters to my exes that would make mothers wonder if they were raising their sons right, but never anything like this. When my ex (in 2008), stole my heart and beat the living crap out of it…I did sell his stuff on Craigslist. And, I did drop off a letter to his mother. She was the best way I could reach him, I promise.

Tell me, what’s the worst break-up letter you’ve received OR, the best break-up letter you’ve sent?

likeomigod unplugged

23 May

A lot of you have asked, “When are you going to write again?” or “Have you been on any dates lately?”

Well for starters…”here I am” and “no.”

Well sorta no.

Anyways…

Instead of me apologizing for not writing and telling you that “life” has gotten in the way–let me tell you the truth.

Dating sucks. (It just does.)
Rejection blows. (Always.)
and Love hurts. (Sometimes.)

And after you’ve dated #487,532,691 (please note the exaggeration), and ‘he’ turns into douchebag #487,532,691…it’s depleting.

“It” is the dating.
“It” is finding said dude and talking with him on the phone for minutes/hours/days/weeks/months.
“It” is the first date, the first kiss, the second date and then the second kiss and so on.
“It” is the feeling in your stomach that makes you think, “maybe he’s the one.”
“It” is also the pit feeling in your stomach when you realize said dude is NOT the one.

And “It” is fucking exhausting.

So the time I take in between these blogs is me resting, is me taking notes and adding to the “what not to date” column, and is me putting my heart back together.

Thing is…if you’re a close friend or you just “know me” you know that my heart was broken in 2008. My ex stole a piece of me and shattered my heart into dozens of pieces and to be honest, I don’t even know where some of the shards landed. And as much as I keep saying “I’m okay” or “I’m ready to date again,” I’m lying. I’ve been lying. Lying to myself. And lying to the poor bastards who have been trying to date me.

Going back through all of my blogs… maybe it was me. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was the reason the date didn’t end well. Maybe I was the reason why there was no second date.

Maybe I was the reason MovieFaceMark jizzed in his pants at the movie.

[crickets chirping]

 

Okay…maybe not. But what if I was the one who sabotaged all of it because I wasn’t ready?

When I buy an unplugged album, I buy it knowing that it won’t sound like the cool version on the radio that I sing to at the top of my lungs in the shower and in the car. I buy it knowing that I will hear the blood, sweat and tears that made up the album. I buy it knowing that if it’s a happy song, I’ll be able to tell that the artist had a smile on his or her face when they sang it. I’ll also know that if it’s a sad song, I’ll be able to hear the crack in their throat, before the tears even hit their cheeks.

LikeOmigod Unplugged is just that. In 2008 I gave my  heart away to someone whom I thought loved me, and truth is…I never really got it back.

Experts say that you’re supposed to love yourself before anyone else can and they’re right. I don’t love myself. Not right now anyways. Right now…I’m a work in progress.

Most of you know that back in March I moved from Dallas to Houston. It was a quick decision and although my situation has put a kink in my social life, it’s the best decision I’ve made in my twenties.

My thirties are coming up in just a couple of weeks and I’ve made so many improvements on myself, my outlook and what I want. When I turn 30, I look forward to showing the world what I’ve accomplished, what I will accomplish and what I can accomplish in the future.

I’m looking forward to falling in love with myself again and opening my heart up to be able to love someone else. Until then, I just don’t care. I don’t want to fall in love, I don’t want to date, I don’t want to hurt. I just want to pick up the pieces and put them all back together.

Humpty Dumpty did it, why can’t I?

 

 

Going forward…

I’ve pretty much closed down all of my dating accounts – some of them I haven’t even visited because frankly, I forgot the password and don’t even want to spend the time trying to figure it out.

While I’ve clearly stated I don’t care to date anyone (at the moment), it hasn’t stopped guys from asking me out and/or guys being douchebags. It also hasn’t stopped the ridiculous emails that I get on a daily basis and the crazies that keep finding me.

I swear.

But I’m keeping an open mind…because it’s true, “you just never know.”

And you don’t.

Check back soon for a recap of the “4.5 dates,” and the latest stories…”The Racist” and “The Human Trafficker.”

Yeah.  

 

Douches

7 Sep

It’s been so long since I’ve written in this blog and I feel so bad. I know you all just live for my stories. : p

Actually…I do feel sort of awkward…because honestly…how does one come back from such a long pause?

I’ve gone on plenty of dates (now) worth mentioning, I’ve heard plenty of stories from friends, which are not only great, but help me remember other crappy dates that I’ve had…also worth mentioning…but LikeOmigod has been slipping.

So here…let’s just start all over.

Let’s start with a douchebag. Or two. Or three.

Douchebag #1
We’ll start with my lying, cheating ex who decided to contact me after ripping out my heart and literally breaking me into tiny pieces just two years ago. Yeah…the dumbass contacted me on POF and suggested we should be friends. And this is a guy who is supposed to be married.

1) why is your dumbass on an online dating site when you’re supposed to be married?
2) WTF?
3) his words: “I understand if you never want to speak to me again.”
4) my thoughts: “guess you don’t understand then”…*sigh*
5) why, on your POF profile are you looking to hook up with someone? you are M-A-R-R-I-E-D!!!
6) why am I even asking why you’re looking to hook up with someone? Once a cheater…always a cheater!
7) what did you do [again] to piss off and hurt someone else?

Hey John…get a life and leave mine alone!

So after he wrote “I understand if you never want to speak to me again,” he told me that he’d like for us to be friends and that I should give him a call (with his number) so we can hang out sometime. Oh yeah…he told me that he missed “us.”

While I so wanted to write back every horrible thing to him…I was the bigger person and just deleted his message. He broke me. He broke me so bad…that I’m not even the same girl that I once was. But, you can’t turn back time. You just deal with it. You just get stronger. And I am. I have. Case closed.

A friend of mine recently updated her FB status to say that she still believed in love (after a failed relationship). I do too. I think it’s out there and I can’t wait to find someone who wants to experience it with me. I look forward to the day I fall for the right guy.

Douchebag #2
POF: SnakesSnailsPuppyDogTail

His profile speaks volumes about himself. I guess when you’re a 25-year-old male just looking to “hang out” though, that’s what you get.

“I like hanging out with friends around the pool/going to the lake…just relaxing. I work a lot, so sometimes it’s just nice to chill out with some friends, a drink and a grill. I do like to go out a lot though. I have 2 motorcycles, but they are both 1 seaters (sorry girls). Just got out of a long relationship, and looking to go out and have a little fun. If I meet an awesome girl, I’ll take it further.

*update*

If you’re a flake, move on. I don’t want anything to do with you. The world is full of losers that will accommodate you. Go find one.

I am a catch, not “Captain save your ass”. There are only two things in this world that we can’t overcome together. Poverty is one of those things. Ignorance is the other. Don’t be either.

If you are wearing more calories than clothes, I suggest you find someone that looks like you do.

If I message you, then I’ll foot the bill for the date. It means I see something that I want to meet in person/explore further. I will do everything I can to do so.

If you message me, and I decide to meet you, YOU WILL FOOT THE BILL! It means you saw something in me that you like, and you’re willing to put some skin in the game. Put your big girl panties on and get out the wallet. It’s not the end of the world. We do it all the time. To me, it shows interest, and that kind of turns me on.

I will not make plans a week or more in advance. You’re either excited to meet me or you aren’t. Cancel your flower arrangement class. Move something around. It’s really not that hard.

Make-up artist is not a profession.”

The flower arrangement comment made me chuckle. I’d write him purely for his funnies. But thank the dating Gods I’m much smarter than that and won’t. : )

Douchebag #3
Match: cilantro74

I found this guy on Match a month or so ago and thought he was cool. He didn’t have that “wow” factor and he wasn’t super model hot, but he had that sophisticated nerdy and intelligent thing going on and that to me, is much sexier than ‘hot and wow’.

Too bad he’s a douche though. 

Here’s what I emailed him after reading his [what i thought to be] insanely cool profile.  

me
i like you. per your profile…we have similar tastes and beliefs…i think you should get to know me. that’s my two cents. give me yours. : )

him
I like you, too! You’ve got a sassy profile that demonstrates a lot of wit and moxie. Unfortunately, I am not sure we’d develop the sort of chemistry I am looking for. Here’s to both of us finding luck in our search, Lindsay
 
me
Lindsay, Before you go judging a book by its cover…what sort of chemistry do you think we’d not develop? I mean what is it you’re exactly looking for?
 
him
Dear [LikeOmigod],
Oh, you’re going to make me feel like a schmuck. Damn you! I emailed you a response, rather than ignore you, because I really did enjoy your profile, and was flattered someone so obviously smart, funny and talented would be interested in me. I hope you understand that. But here comes the schmuck part (though, objectively, it is not unreasonable): I do not believe I will be physically attracted to you enough to warrant pursuing a romantic relationship, which is what I am searching for. In this instance, yes, indeed, I am judging a book by its cover. While this is clearly a rejection, and will never feel good, I really hope that you know I’m being earnest, and in no way mean to be hurtful. In retrospect, I don’t know that my intended act of courtesy and admiration did its job. Your Schmuck, Lindsay
 
me
Was that so hard to write? i am glad that you had the balls to at least write me and tell the truth. so you’re not attracted to me…darn. thanks for the input. thing is, i thought you were more of a douche for giving me that stupid line about our chemistry not matching up. i didn’t know chemistry = looks. women can tell when men are lying, so just be honest. we’re all adults. to end this lovely conversation…good luck to you.

 

Why is it so freakin’ hard to tell the truth to someone? People are attracted to and not attracted to people for all kinds of reasons (i.e., shapes, sizes, colors, genders, whatever-you-can-think-of-right-here). So the words sting…I’ve gotten over it and personally, he’s certainly made me realize why I wouldn’t want to be with him in the first place.

What pisses me off is that I probably wasted at least 30 minutes of my life from going back to look at his profile (in case I missed what he was looking for), writing him back and then reading a second message. Would it have really killed him to save time and just tell me he wasn’t attracted to me in the first email?

I’ve gone through things much more painful than an easy, “I’m not attracted to you.” Dude…grow some balls and learn how to talk to women.

Vous homme stupide!

Thankfully…I (think) I’ve found a non-douche and I’m enjoying the getting-to-know-you phase.

We shall see.

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