Like A Boss

2 Jun

Ever heard the skit/song from The Lonely Island, “Like a Boss?”

No? Then listen to it here.

The reason why you should listen to the video before reading this blog, is because, well…I dated ‘that’ guy. The guy who constantly tells you he’s a boss.

This particular date was back when I lived in Dallas. I had met this guy online and under his profession, when most people tell you what their title is, he had just put “management.”

I could have cared less whether he was at the bottom of the totem pole or really, in management. We had a lot in common and we liked the same activities. He seemed like he would be fun to hang out with.

When we first started talking on the phone, I once asked him what he did and he totally replied with, “I’m a boss.” That. Was. The. Statement. Out. Of. His. Mouth. Every. Conversation. Every. Word.

Yet I still decided to go out with him. What the fuck was I thinking? Totally my fucking bad…

Anyhoo…we decided on a few bowling matches at Main Event one night and when we actually sat down to talk (after I of course, beat him [COLLEGE BOWLING LEAGUE, WHAT, WHAT]), I finally figured out what “boss” meant.

Me: “So, what company do you work for?”
Him: “I work at Tom Thumb/Randall’s. I’m a boss.”
Me: “Cool! What area?”
Him: “Well I work at the district main office location in Dallas.”
Me: “I didn’t know Tom Thumb had a main office in Dallas. Interesting.”
Him: “Well, I actually work at the grocery store, but Dallas’ top store.”
Me: “Cool. Well, what department are you in?”
Him: “I’m in the deli area. And, I’m a supervisor.”
Me: “How long have you been there?”
Him: “I’ve been a boss for three years.”
Me: “Did you start there after college?”
Him: “I’m technically still in school. I’m actually in training for the lead supervisory position. I’ve been working there for three years.”
Me: [slightly confused that his answers have changed] “Oh. Well, what do you do day to day?”
Him: “I slice the meat, make sure customers are happy, figure out what deals to honor, I only supervise one person in the department now, but if I finish school and this training program, I’ll get to be the boss for this store, in this department.”

RULES
1) Never go bowling on a date. Unless you’re with other people. It was hard to talk in between games.
2) If you work, be proud that you have a job. I, at the time of the date, was unemployed. Oh, the joys of freelancing after being laid off. Again, if you work, be proud that you have a job. If you are a boss, great! If you slice deli meat, then fucking own up to it. Don’t lie and say that you’re in management when you slice ham for a living. I had a bunch of crap jobs to get where I am today. We all do. Own up to it!
3) I don’t want it to seem like I was badgering him the entire time, asking him about what he did; we also talked about me and what I did/used to do/what I was looking for. If he really worked at a corporate location, I wanted to know about opportunities, too.

The reason it didn’t work out? A woman’s intuition is serious. I have become FUCKING AWESOME at being able to tell when someone is lying to me. And once you do…like a sneaky friend…I will continue to be your friend (at a distance), let you talk, let you lie, whatever…but I will ultimately lose respect for you deep down and I won’t trust you. I won’t trust a word out of your mouth.

I would have respected him more, if he had just owned up to his job. If you’re embarrassed by what you do, change it. If you don’t like what you’re doing. Change it. Change jobs. I disliked the fact that he was willing to let some 10-letter word (management) change his story.

Liars suck!

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One Response to “Like A Boss”

  1. join us June 2, 2013 at 3:52 pm #

    Keep this going please, great job!

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