“Hose”

17 Dec

Twitter.

Personally I’m not a fan. Not the actual Twitter part, but the tweeting. The tweeting every two seconds. It’s so annoying and it’s so time consuming!

*I wish you could see my annoyed face*

I don’t mind if other people do it…in fact, reading what other people have to say about their personal lives is actually quite fascinating. For me however, I can’t stand getting on Twitter and having to update my readers with my whereabouts or thoughts every 2 minutes. And besides, I actually lead a pretty boring life. I’m serious.

So instead of creating a Twitter account for myself…I created one for this blog and so far it’s worked out great. I can get by with only one tweet a day or a few tweets a week; sometimes I tweet multiple times, but that’s on the rare occasion that I actually have a blog for all of you.

Another thing I’m annoyed by? Spammers. Spammers on Twitter. I love ‘trying’ to build a fan base, because you know, it would be great to get a lot of people interested in what I have to say…so much that I could write a book about my dates…and people would still be willing to read about them. But spammers…these are the ones where there’s a justifiable name, but porn-like pictures and a porn-dedicated description. Or it’s some chick or some dude with a random name and random picture with a crappy porn-dedicated description. ugh.

Seriously? I’m just trying to tell people my version of the dating game…I don’t need to know about “what toy/touch/lick/whatever will wow him.” I’ve got my own skillz. SMDH

So the point of this blog and the point of my annoyance with spammers is that while I was trying to build up my fan base this morning, some odd, Twitter tweeter named StockingsLove tried to “follow me.”

First of all…when you’ve gone on a FIRST date with a dude who asked you if you wore stockings, liked wearing stockings and then told you what he’d like to do to you in stockings…you know…one might tend to NOT want to be a part of StockingsLove.

Um yeah.

This was a date that I had right out of college when I was still living with my parents and trying to find a job at the age of 22. I had met him at a party through some friends and we decided on Rice Village for our date.

He was a very handsome guy, professional, had a job, a car, came from a good family. Etc, etc.

Yeah…so not even 30 minutes had passed into our date and he was asking me about stockings.

Yep. Stockings. Pantyhose. Leggings. Whatever-you-want-to-call-it. I prefer Sheer-Death-Grip-Leggings. Especially if you’re trying to hold “everything” in.

You may also be wondering right now, how I can remember a date from my early 20s, but this date is just one of those you can’t forget. Trust me.

Him: “So crazy question. Do you own and wear stockings?”
Me: “Stockings? Like-suck-all-the-life-out-of-you-and-keep-me-hot-all-day-in-100-degree-weather stockings?”
Him: “Yeah…those (with a creepy chuckle). Pantyhose. Do you?”
Me: “I own some, but I don’t wear them every day. They’re a pain. Why?”
Him: “I love girls who wear them. You’re pretty leggy…I bet your long legs would look hot in them.”
Me: [blinking]
Him: “So have you ever, you know, played with them?”
Me: “What?”
Him: “Played with them. Worn them while having sex?”
Me: [silence]
Me: “Don’t believe I have. It’s not really my thing.”
Him: “I could eat you right now.”
Me: [silence]
Him: “Wanna know my ultimate fantasy?”

And before I could say “no” to his ultimate fantasy description, his words had me shaking in my bar stool.

I think you all know where this is going. And I also think you don’t need to hear every last R-rated detail of his fantasy…so PG-speaking…he basically told me that he wanted me to wear pantyhose with nothing else on and sit on his face.

[silence]

Yep.

So…can we all see WHY I would NEVER want StockingsLove to follow me?

Weirdos.

Tip #867364758…guys if you want to make it to at least a second date…don’t scare her off with crazy fetish talk. Keep that shit to yourself or tell her on the 36th date, or something. [looking nervously to the side]

 

 

 Just a quick disclaimer: This blog is not saying that I would never try the pantyhose freakyness (because I usually try everything at least once), but mentioning it on a first date guys? Really?

I guess he wasn’t “the one” for me. You think?

Just a slight detour of the 4.5 dates series. Regular programming will be back shortly, unless of course I have another crazy story in between. HA!

Advertisements

2 Responses to ““Hose””

  1. Maruska Morena December 17, 2010 at 7:18 pm #

    Ugh, I dated him too. well one date anyway.

    As for Twitter, I think you don’t understand it if you think you shouldn’t have a personal twitter because you have to update it every 2 seconds. Update it whenever you want, with whatever you want. Twitter stream is more about what you care about, than it is about what you’re doing every 2 seconds.

    Its kinda like blogging in that way..

  2. thetommynews December 18, 2010 at 10:14 am #

    Gotta take issue with this one. I’m a HUGE fan of stockings lol.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: