Can you see me now?

26 Mar

So before I even start my newest dating-related story, I’d like to update those every-day readers who have been asking about Mr. NiceGuy. While I enjoyed a spectacular month or so…spending time with him, cheering at a Stars game, having dinner, seeing movies, beating him at air hockey, him beating me at laser tag, etc…he has unfortunately fled the building. Well not a building per say…but Texas…and not because I was a bad kisser or anything (I was great…like super great ;))…but because his job situation and his living arrangements took him in another direction…and I mean a 700-mile difference. While he did say that he would look for jobs in Dallas…I know he’s not really coming back. So with this said, at least Cupid and his crew allowed him to be in my life so that I’d know that there are GREAT men out there, because I seriously had my doubts.

And now back to programming.

I have decided that I am so over men who don’t post pictures in their profiles like yesterday’s dinner. Omigod! How hard is it to take a few seconds to search through your computer files and find a decent picture of yourself? And what the hell do you have to hide?

So I was looking through dating profiles the other day (you know…since I have to actually get back out there and date again…ugh) and was going through my daily 5 matches…not to be confused with the other 12 Match already sends me every 3 to 4 days.

Anyways…I came across this guy’s profile and he didn’t have a picture, so I of course checked “no”. While his actual written profile sounded great, I have learned to never trust the no-picture or heavily-pixilated photo scheme. However, it turns out that ol’ dude had already found me and decided to email me. His message was a long-winded email thanking me for putting some effort into my profile and it stated that we had a lot of similarities as far as interests go. He also said that my pictures were pretty and that I had a gorgeous smile.

I’m a nice person. I mean I try to be a nice person as much as I can. So for this scenario, it meant writing the poor guy back and thanking him, but sending the whole…”I’m not talking to you until you put a picture up.” And I did just that. And what does he do? He writes me back… 

Dear My Name (What a pretty name by the way ;-]).
Thanks for sending me a message so quickly. I apologize for not having any pictures of myself. I just put this profile up and haven’t gotten around to it. Until I can get some pictures up, I’d really like to get to know you. You and I have a lot in common and I think we’d get along great. Take a chance on me, I promise I’m worth it.”

Uh…again. Where’s your picture? So I wrote him back.

Dear _ _ _ _ _,
I appreciate the compliments. While you do have an eloquently written profile, and while I do agree that we share a lot of common interests, I see no reason as to why I should continue our conversation when in the time it took you to write an email back to me, you could have uploaded several pictures of yourself. There are 10 pictures of myself on my profile and you even complimented me on them, yet you still have none. So again, I still see no reason to continue talking with you, especially if you’re going to come up with the excuse of “I haven’t gotten around to it.”
 

And so an email war breaks out and he writes me again. This time a little more hostile.

My Name,
I don’t really see what the big deal is about me not having a photo. See this is the problem with women today. You all don’t trust anyone from your past relationships and self-inflicted hold-ups when it comes to men. Personally I think you should get to know the person before you get the chance to see what they look like. I’m a nice guy. I have a job. I don’t have any kids. I’m attractive. I have ambition. And yet the nice guy always finishes last. If you want to meet and conversate with a real gentleman, then I suggest you give the no-photo rule a rest.

Really?

He didn’t even deserve a response back…but I had to ask him one question. 

_ _ _ _ _,
I will break my no-photo rule if you can answer one question with a “yes.” When you go out to the grocery store, a bar, a restaurant, the bookstore, a Mavs game, whatever…do you wear a bag over your head in public?

He never wrote me back. And I still haven’t broken my no-photo rule. 

I know I really sound like a bitch, but I promise I’m not. I have a really, really, REALLY good reason as to why I don’t talk to men who don’t have a decent photo or who have photos from 1945 or photos that you can’t tell if it’s him or a 12-year-old kid.

If any of you went to college during 1999 and 2003 you should be familiar with the Web site CollegeClub.com. It was the hottest social media site before “today’s social media” really even made its presence. You could converse with different people from your college or other universities and while it was similar to LinkedFaceItterSpace…you could only upload one picture and so much information about yourself.

And that’s where I met this guy who actually went to Sam. He was a Sig Ep and even knew some of my friends. His picture was ridiculous—I couldn’t even make out what race he was…but because my friends knew him and since they said he was “cool” I decided to meet up with him.

Our first date? A short pizza date (in between summer classes) on the patio of Humphrey’s—a little bar right across the university where I spent many drunken Thursday nights during my college years.

At the time of our date…it was a hot summer’s day in good ol’ humid Huntsville where if you sat outside too long, your skin would melt. Since we sat outside, sunglasses and all, it practically felt that way, but we had fun over drinks and the most delicious pizza ever! And the conversation wasn’t all that bad either.

He was a nice guy. When he walked me back to my class, we gave each other the nice-to-meet-you-we’ll-have-to-do-this-again hug and decided we’d go to dinner soon.

So fast forward to dinner. We had met at The Homestead—a swanky, fine-dining choice in Huntsvegas that I grew to love over the years. When we sat down and started looking over the menu and started talking, that’s when I noticed it.

The dude had a wandering eye. And I’m not talking about a *slap* take-your-eyes-off-her-ass wandering eye. I mean a googly, wandering eye.

As I sat looking at his face, I saw his right eyeball doing the chicken dance in his eye socket. I mean I literally remember not being able to concentrate and tried not to look at the dancing jig doing the riverdance in his right eye! It was horrible. And I think the horror showed in my face. I did my best to mask the astonishment, but I’m sure I failed…miserably.

I felt like while he was staring at me, someone else was too, especially with every move I made. It didn’t matter if I was nervously reaching over for the bread and butter or taking a sip from my tea glass…not only did his left eye follow me, but the right eye bounced up and down with excitement.

He never said a word (about his eye) in conversations over the phone or IM. But when he excused himself to the restroom towards the end of the night, I pieced together why he had worn sunglasses the first date, and why he asked me to meet him at a very, dimly-lit bar the next. Dinner I guess was the coming out party. And boy did it come out. It raced around saying “Yippee! Yippee! I’m so excited, I just can’t hide it!”

Okay…maybe his eye didn’t sing.

But ladies and gentlemen…what is one physical attribute that bugs the heck out of you and prompts you to stop cold in your tracks when dating?

People are attracted to all kinds of people…and people are picky about a number of things. I’ve met women who wouldn’t date a guy because of his hands, how short or tall he was, his annoying hyena laugh, and/or if he had a big honker…and…I’ve met guys who wouldn’t date a woman because she was too fat or had a hideous mole on the tip of her nose, etc. And smiles. I know most of us all like a decent smile. There’s nothing worse than a guy that has teeth coming out of every corner of his mouth. I’ve been there, done that. It was like an alligator-teeth horse-mouth-like smile. It was NOT pretty.

So tell me, what are you picky about?

 

Disclaimer: I am in no way perfect and in fact, I am one of the most quirkiest people I know. I believe that having confidence is key and although I am going through a crazy medical situation, I still find myself to be attractive and to look like my pictures.

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4 Responses to “Can you see me now?”

  1. AH March 26, 2010 at 4:07 pm #

    Enjoyed your post, but this is the LAST time you can tell me any details before I read it. 😉 Well, I guess it doesn’t matter that much…I got a laugh out of this on two different occasions. You already know one of my answers to your deal-breaker question, but there’s lots of other things. It’d probably take me too long to list them…so I won’t go there.

  2. likeomigod March 26, 2010 at 4:12 pm #

    I think you should list a few anyways. : )

    By the way…I guess I was trying to help you out so you wouldn’t annoy your coworkers by rolling on the floor laughing.

    Glad you got two laughs out of it though. =)

  3. Mairin March 26, 2010 at 7:30 pm #

    Must be tall enough so I can wear heals if I want to, a total geek. Oh yeah, and aligned politically & aspiration wise. 🙂

    I think you have a valid rule and dude should have supplied you a picture and you could have decided from there if his level of cuteness was acceptable considering your other supposed compatibility.

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